09 February 2009

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

No, I don't have a military buzz cut - that was last year *grin* I did, however, visit my hairdresser on the weekend and our conversation turned to hair length (probably because I was dithering over whether to grow out my hair for my dance exam in July). Over the course of the conversation, my hairdresser mentioned a friend that has been considering whether to cut her hair; however said friend's husband doesn't want her too. He likes her hair long. I was a little confused about what the actual issue was, but my hairdresser pointed out that such a decision requires compromise from both the husband and the wife: it's not an individual's decision when you're not an individual.

This didn't take me by surprise as I have a friend who won't cut her hair to any great extent because her husband prefers it long. The consensus seems to be that men prefer women with long hair, which has got me to thinking: is a woman's attractiveness dictated by the length of her hair? And what about those of us whose hair won't grow past a certain length or whose face shape doesn't suit long hair? Does that make us less attractive than women with long hair? (I know, it seems like a silly question but I'm curious as to what you think. Personally, I think you should wear your hair 1) how you like and 2) as it suits you.)

And before you ask, my hair is still short. I decided that I was not in the right frame of mind to cope with uneven hair for the next few months!


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    starfirenz said...
    *grin* - actually I disagree with your hairdresser - I think how you wear your hair *is* an individual decision whether or not you're part of a couple.

    I think it's really important to differentiate "not cutting your hair because your husband doesn't want you to" (which puts the responsibility and the choice onto your husband or significant other, and can leave you feeling resentful); and "not cutting your hair because you choose to tailor a small part of yourself to match your husband's preferences" (which means you take full responsibility for the choice and reserve the right to change it if you decide it's no longer right for you)

    It think it comes down to the difference between choosing to do something because you know it makes someone else happy where it's a gift that doesn't cost you much to give; versus feeling obligated and/or expected to do it because they assume or demand it.

    I know (and so does Gryphon) that if there's ever a time when having long hair genuinely gets in the way of what I want to do in a practical way, then, sorry, no, it's going to go.

    Meanwhile, though, he has so few genuine preferences that he lets me know about (99% of the time it's "Yep, whatever works best for you, ma petite", or "Either or - I really don't mind one way or the other"), that to me, choosing to keep my hair long because I know he likes it is - literally - a rare chance for me to give him the gift of showing him I care what he thinks.

    As for all guys liking long hair? I've met enough that don't see the point in it (and certainly don't see the point in fussing and spending time on it) that I personally put the subject in the same basket as the way women react to facial hair on guys - some really love it, some really hate it, and some don't really have feelings one way or the other...

  2. I think it's an individual decision in and of itself; however, a lot of people (seems to be more women than men, IME) tend to defer to their significant other's tastes or preferences when it comes to appearance.

    In some cases, it's sweet--just doing something for the other person out of their own volition, In other cases, it creeps me out--like the other person *owns* them, which I'm sure works in good power exchange relationships but which can lead (or be a symptom of) emotional abuse.

    (which really is a longwided way of saying: waht Starfirenz just said above)