20 February 2009

Learning

The majority of you will have no doubt heard the phrase 'Never too old to learn'. Learning may occur consciously or without conscious awareness; sometimes you can learn something in an instant...at other times something can all but stare you in the face before you acknowledge it. The proverbial elephant in the room.

I learnt something yesterday. I learnt that I am afraid. Maybe terrified or perhaps even petrified would be a better word now that I consider my response. Which brings me to another quote (from the movie Strictly Ballroom):

A life lived in fear is a life half-lived
My fear is holding me back from taking control of my own life. It's the flight, fight, fright response - and my fear has kept me frozen, going through the motions of my current existence. I've ceded control to others...and they have taken it. I still feel like taking that first step (regardless of direction) will send me hurtling off a cliff without rope or a parachute. And then there is the thought that if I don't move the predator won't see me... but I already know that is a fallacy, I've just been failing to acknowledge it. However, as someone wise said to me yesterday: 'You're not jumping off the cliff, you're walking down the path.' And they have a point. I need to stop freezing, stop ceding control to others and..take that first step. And being me, I'm going to plan the first step VERY carefully, cover all eventualities. But what I can't do it let the planning prevent me from actual action...

Big words. Now I just have to find the courage to act on them...

13 comments:

  1. ((((orannia))))

    Take a smaller step--something of apparent little or no consequence.

    The smallest goal reached serves as motivation for continuing to reach for the stars. Keep reaching, orannia. Before you know it, you'll touch their light.

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  2. (((((azteclady))))) Thank you. Very wise words!

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  3. Facing fear is a terrifying (no pun intended) thing to do - but AztecLacy is right... sometimes when you start off with little steps, each victory you achieve helps to show you - inarguably - that you *can* act despite the fear.

    Something I've always come back to over and over again when I hit fear-related roadblocks actually comes from fiction: the Bene Gesserit "Litany Against Fear" from Dune (I know - it's tacky... but it really works for me!):

    I must not fear.
    Fear is the mind-killer.
    Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
    I will face my fear.
    I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
    And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
    Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
    Only I will remain.


    WTTW - me

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  4. I know that terror. I know it well.

    Like everyone says, every small step is a triumph. You can do it.

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  5. Thank you Kerry. Am writing a list for the small steps I need to take to ensure I have 'a safe place' :)

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  6. "There is nothing to fear but fear itself" Winston Churchill.

    Or "No fear but fear" on Jake Hawkin's (Demon Bound by Meljean Brook) butt.

    Wishing you the best!

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  7. (((((Aymless)))))

    The phrase 'No fear but fear' is tattoed on Jake Hawkin's derriere? I so need to get my hands on the second book!

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  8. Having been in the same place you describe many years ago, I just want you to know that I know you can do what you need to do to take control. But don't worry so much about planning out all the possible steps down the path you start on. Just the first few. You never know what might be around the bend that will have you taking a detour!

    You can do it! :)

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  9. (and detours can be not just fun, but the best thing in your life)

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  10. LOL, although I have to admit to a huge fear of detours...things out of my control = not fun. Something else I need to work on methinks :)

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  11. Nod... Detours can be fun and it's lets you see/experience things you normally wouldn't do. But it can be scary at times as well.

    Yup on Jake's very fine rear end. I think he's book 4 in the series. And you MUST read them. You see the pretty cover for Demon Forged? Man I need it.

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