26 September 2010

Gutless

I had a phone call over the weekend. From a family member. Part of me was expecting the phone call; part of me was hoping not to ever have this particular conversation again... I'm not completely surprised by my response to what was asked - I reverted to type and caved. The only positives (from my side) in the whole conversation were that I raised two separate 'issues'. However, they were non-negotiable as far as the family member was concerned. And I caved on those too. I'm gutless. Completely gutless.

And before you ask, I'll be fine. I just...I just wish I could really escape into my books. Not be in the real world. Do you ever wish you could be anywhere else but here?

16 comments:

  1. (((HUGS))) Sorry to hear you're feeling down on yourself. We're all the same though. You think "yes, this is the last time" and then... you cave. Family is an emotional suck that doesn't seem to end. Alas, you are not the only one. And I totally wish I could be somewhere else... and in another body (for a while, I sort of like mine ;)).

    We should start a 12 step program for cutting out negative family influences.

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  2. You sound like me. I always say I'm not going to cave and then I do. Here's hoping things start looking up.

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  3. It's a work in progress, orannia *hug*

    We all are works in progress--and I definitely like Mariana's idea, a 12 step program to... well, de-program ourselves from negative habits.

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  4. Oh, it's so hard to break our patterns of response!! Hang in there. *hug*

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  5. Family is an emotional suck that doesn't seem to end.

    Mariana - definitely. I so like the idea of a 12-step program. It's that on enter into witness protection, which is looking rather appealing :) I just need to get through till next Monday, then I can crash.

    Patti - thank you. Exactly. Famous words of being strong. But a good friend said to me today that you need to pick your battles. And I did try with two. I just need to discuss where I went wrong with the unnamed expert, gird my loins (LOL!) and start again!

    azteclady - thank you. *hugs* De-programming is definitely not a quick fix. Feeling better today and facing forward!

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  6. Oh, it's so hard to break our patterns of response!!

    Chris - *nods* That's it in a nutshell. The stress levels rise and then you fall back into familiar patterns.

    (((Kris))) You and me both sweetie.

    Shalet Jimmy - maybe, but I have to believe it can be better :) And I'm going to work to make it better. Family shouldn't harm, they should support.

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  7. For what it's worth, kechara, I don't see you as gutless in the slightest. It's one thing to know what a constructive behaviour or a pattern interrupt is... it's TOTALLY another to actually do it when you're under stress.

    I totally know what you mean about escaping into books though

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  8. Oh honey I know how you feel! Sometimes with family you wish you could say one thing and think you will and then when you open your mouth something completely different falls off your tongue. Been there, done that. Sorry it's made you sad though. {{big hug}}

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  9. starfirenz - thank you :) I can just...falter spectacularly. Oh well. I guess now I recognize the behaviour after the fact I have to try and recognize it sooner...and work on combating it!

    Hilcia - *hugs* Many thanks!

    (((Tracy))) Thank you! And yes...I can say, and even think, things after the fact, but I just can't at the time. The consequences... *shudder*

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  10. Hoping you're okay and that things get better.

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  11. ALL THE FREAKING TIME. I honestly do have runaway fantasies, or I did when I was living at home. Now I don't have them so much, but I've only been here a month. :P

    The trick to avoiding familial obligation is to not answer right away. They want you respond right away because they know you'll cave in if they're right there, pressuring you to do it. Just tell them you'll think about it and then wait a week. This will give you time to commit to whatever course of action you decide, and usually by then they've found someone else to do it anyway. Haha. ;)

    And you can always change your mind, you know....

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  12. Stacy - thank you! Apologies for not being around lately. Am on annual leave next week so will be visiting with bells on!

    heidenkind - phew. This sounds bad, but...am so glad it's not just me. I like that idea - waiting. I try not to pick up the phone...unfortunately another (bad) pattern I have is jumping when a family member clicks their fingers. So much to learn :)

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  13. I completely understand and empathize with your aggravation--towards said family members and to yourself for responding the way you did. BUT I agree with everyone's comments and suggestions above. Everyone said all the right things... you have some very smart friends here, don't you think?

    I think heidenkind's suggestion of putting the pause on the situation by saying you'll think about it or you have to get back to them or whatever, is excellent advice. What a great way to buy yourself more time to figure out what and how to say what you need to say.

    Hang in there.

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