31 August 2011

The Other Guy

Just in case the title of this post is sending you on a wild goose (thought) chase in a particular direction, this is not a post about infidelity. It's a post about 'the other guy'. Glad that cleared things up *grin*

See, I'm currently reading The White Road (Lynn Flewelling). *thinks* Yes I'm invested in the two main characters and what happens to them, but...it's another character, a secondary character, that has me biting my lip and..wishing (fervently)..for his safety and, ultimately, his contentment. (He's been through so much I'm not if he can be truly happy, but if he could be I would like him to be.) If something happens to him (something bad in other words) there will be letters (to the author). Oh will there be letters! Because...sometimes I just need to believe in happily ever afters. Does that make sense?

So, have you ever invested in 'the other guy' more than the main character(s)?

29 August 2011


Yes, we here at the bottom of the world may be ahead when it comes to greeting the new day, but invariably (unless the director is a New Zealander [yes, Peter Jackson, I'm looking at you]) we are behind when it comes to movie releases. So, Priest only opened here last Thursday, but...oh does it look like my kind of mindlessness! Have all but begged (OK, maybe there was some begging involved :) my best friend to see it with me - thank you oh lovely Starfire! I think we may just have to go the 3D route...

So, what movie last took you to the theatre and/or what do you have your eye on?

27 August 2011


...socks. Yes, the mysterious parcel that caused me to devolve into a puddle of panic (I had some very 'out there' ideas as to the contents of the parcel, all of which I am too embarrassed to confess) was...socks. These socks to be precise!

And what's even more ironic? They aren't for me! They were sent by a distant family member for another family member. *heads desk*

On a completely different note, my thoughts are with everyone in the path of Hurricane Irene.

25 August 2011

Out There...

I know I've asked some really 'out there' questions here at Walkabout, but...I think this one will take the cake...and the table said cake is sitting on :)

So...do you ever feel you're letting a book down? That's you're not reading it fast enough, in the right way, and 'getting it' like you should? Not quite sure who sets that 'should' level, but...do you?

Edited to add: You know things aren't too good when you receive a card from the postman (or postwoman [should that be postperson?]) informing you that you have a parcel to collect (a parcel too big for your letterbox) and you immediately panic, thinking of all the (horrible) things it could be (and the amount of time it will take you to go and pick said parcel up - because of course it's not waiting to be collected at my local post office). A few hours on the other side, I'm ignoring the large elephant in the room!

22 August 2011

The Big Chill

It's been cold here of late. Very cold. (And by that I mean overnight temperatures of 2 degrees Celsius [~35 degrees Fahrenheit], which probably doesn't sound cold to most of you, but it is for Auckland, which has a temperate [oceanic] climate.) So cold that I've been shutting off part of the house (the part with my computer) and curling up in front of the fire.

This...hiding (for want of a better word) has been in response to a number of things: movements on the privacy issue I eluded to in the post entitled Learning By Degrees (I'm not over it, not by a long shot, and it's colouring so much); interactions with family (what a surprise); and work. I hate feeling out of control. So overwhelmed by life... I was thinking the best analogy was that of an out of control bus, but...it's more like constant noise. When all I want is just some quiet so my brain can stop...whirring. I'm sorry I've been...absent. I have missed you all, but I just needed to...sit. Not sure how much sitting I'll need - this morning has left me all wound up so tight I can hardly breathe - but I will try to be online a little more often :)

On a completely different note, tomorrow night I am going to learn how to graft fruit trees. Yes, you heard it hear first!

So, what weird and wacky things have you learnt to do?

15 August 2011

I Want To Know What Love Is

I'm sorry Mariah, but you didn't do this song justice IMHO. Foreigner's version (the original version) gives me goosebumps!

So, what song gives you goosebumps?

12 August 2011


I don't deal well with confrontation. I literally do all I can to avoid it and, when that fails, I revert to the tried and true method of compromise. That I know. From my perspective, people fall into two categories - safe and unsafe. (And by safe I mean likely to act rationally/unlikely to turn on me simply because I am in the way of whatever it is they want.) It's a very black and white way of looking at things...a child's way. An adult has the ability (whether they use it is a subject for another post) to see the shades of grey within a confrontation, to understand that people are human and that they make mistakes. A child simply breathes the fear...of making a mistake, of being...noticed. The panic is...stifling.

I'm coming to realize that...parts of me, the real me, are still that child. That frightened child. Especially when confronted.My sole aim becomes to evade notice, to survive the encounter - it's a prey response...a child's response. And when the confrontation is over I pick it apart, trying to work out what it was that I said or did (or didn't do or didn't say) to cause the confrontation. Because I blame me.

Knowing this is one thing, applying it...a whole different kettle of fish.

10 August 2011

On The Ledge

Warning: This post may cause some readers to experience homicidal tendencies.

You're probably wondering why the title. Well...I think certain people, after reading this post, may want me on a ledge...so they can push me off! Kidding...mostly :) There are few unwritten rules when it comes to reading, but...reading in order is, for a number of people, a given. If you decide to read a series you start at the beginning and you read the books in order. And I just broke that rule.

I have been attempting, in my own way, to catch up on a number of series. The series on the chopping block (so to speak) has been Lisa Kleypas' The Hathaways. I adored the first (Mine till Midnight) and second (Seduce Me at Sunrise) books and enjoyed the third book (Tempt Me at Twilight). Then I borrowed (from the library) the fourth book (Married by Morning) and...paused. The characters didn't appeal in any of the previous books and they still didn't appeal. So...I read the bits I wanted to read (any scene with the hero from Mine till Midnight in it :) and then put it down and picked up the fifth book (Love in the Afternoon), which I'm reading...out of order *gasp*

So, here I am, on the ledge... They (whoever they are) say that curiosity killed the cat, but I have to ask: are you an order rule follower...or breaker?

07 August 2011


At the end of last month I received some rather unexpected news. Change and I do not go hand in hand. We have to be...forced upon each other. Why? *deep breath* I fear change. I prefer stability to uncertainty. (Understatement of the century.) Have I mentioned I'm a control freak? In fact, I would go so far as to say that I need security and stability in order to function. *thinks* I guess that explains why I find trust so difficult. Handing over that security to someone else...being that vulnerable? *shakes head* I can't do that. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to do that.

During times of uncertainty, one invariably looks first to oneself and then to one's friends and family for support...and potentially for reassurance that one can survive the storm. One's foundation of self reinforces that belief. But...when I look down at my foundation I see ...nothing. *thinks* In the city where I live there is a tower. A tower with viewing platforms of glass. (Obviously very thick glass.) My foundation is like that glass floor - an illusion. All I see is emptiness. So without knowing within oneself that one can survive the storm, what does one do? Seek reassurance from outside. And that's exactly what I have been doing - endlessly. (And no doubt incredibly annoyingly :)

I mentioned this need (for want of a better word) to the unnamed expert when I saw her last week. And I used the analogy of the glass floor of the tower. My foundation of self is...an illusion. Most of the time I can pretend, but when I need to know it is there, when I need to see it, it's not. All I see is the emptiness preceding an endless fall. So I don't look down. I seek reassurance outside of myself...because from where I sit everyone knows more than me. They hold the power... It's a child's response. As a child we seek reassurance from those around us, because we are still developing our sense of self. Our knowledge of what we are and are not capable of. What we learn with each challenge we face and the consistent reassurance we receive from those around us allows us to build that foundation. But building a solid foundation without those building blocks is...well nigh impossible. And without that solid foundation we are left doubting ourselves. And when uncertainty arises, as it invariably does, we seek reassurance. And that, I realized, is the problem. I don't believe in that foundation of self. I don't believe in...me. So...I guess I have to learn *grin*

So, I'm curious, what (large or small) have you learned about yourself lately?

Edited to add: I was hoping to be online over the weekend, but somehow the weekend just got away from me. Fingers crossed for lots of stalking visiting tomorrow :)

02 August 2011

Books 2011: July Update

Total to date: 68 books (14 books this month: historical romance [one book]; m/m [12 books]; paranormal romance [one book])

The 2011 Support Your Local Library Reading Challenge total to date: 17 books (two books this month)

The M/M Romance Challenge 2011 total to date: 50 books (12 books this month)

The 2011 Big Book Challenge: The Archer's Heart (Astrid Amara) [COMPLETE!]

A list of all the books I've read to date (from 01 January 2010) can be found at GoodReads.

Favourite books of the month?

* The Archer's Heart (Astrid Amara)

* Living Promises (Amy Lane)

Currently reading:

* Play of Passion (Nalini Singh)

And the books I'm most looking forward to reading this month:

* The Rifter Part VI (Ginn Hale)

* Spin Out (James Buchanan)

So, what did you read last month?