According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:
Butterfly • noun 1 any of numerous slender-bodied diurnal lepidopteran insects including one superfamily (Papilionoidea) with broad often brightly colored wings and usually another superfamily comprising the skippers. 2 something that resembles or suggests a butterfly; especially: a person chiefly occupied with the pursuit of pleasure. 3 a swimming stroke executed in a prone position by moving both arms in a circular motion while kicking both legs up and down. 4 plural: a feeling of hollowness or queasiness caused especially by emotional or nervous tension or anxious anticipation. 5 a defensive move by a goalie in ice hockey executed by dropping to the knees while spreading the lower legs outward.
I has had them this week. (The fourth definition in case you were wondering.) Lots of them. Whirling around inside. Why? Well...I was worried how a certain family member would respond to a text I sent. Yeah. A text. And what scandalous and insulting things did I include in this text? I requested the removal of certain items that I have been storing for this family member...for almost 3 years. Items I've been asking him to remove for...about a year. So, did I set an impossible deadline for the removal of these items? Well...how does early December sound to you?
It's been 2 days since the text was sent. I've had a response...on an entirely different matter. The request and the deadline have been - to all intents and purposes - ignored. I'm not sure what is worse. Ignoring the deadline completely (which is so far the case) or ringing me and telling me it's not going to happen.
See, such situations are where the 'child' appears. The child remembers how an older family member reacted when something didn't go exactly how he wanted it too. He got angry. (Think temper tantrum. The whole nine yards.) I..remember that. I...lived that. I know this family member does the same thing (perhaps because he learnt by example) and I...hunch...waiting for the blow. IDK. I want to believe I can back myself. Stand firm if this family member gets angry at my 'presumption'. Because that's what it feels like. I don't feel like I'm standing on firm ground though. It feels like quicksand. I keep checking the phone...the phone I've unplugged. *hangs head*
When explaining how I felt to a friend earlier this week they asked me what was the worst that could happen. This family member can rant, yes? And...looking at it logically, that doesn't seem like much. Seems survivable, right? Yes, but...no. The thought of facing that...rage? Terrifying. The thing is, in the grand scheme of things it's probably not that scary. There are far more scary situations that people face every day. Maybe I'm just a coward...
As the days tick over and the likelihood of contact diminishes...so too do the number of butterflies. But they never fade entirely.
So, if you don't mind me asking, what gives you butterflies?