24 February 2012

Insight

It never ceases to amaze me what I learn about myself from books. Or...more accurately...how certain books resonate in such a way that they help me to realize something about myself I never knew. It's like they shine a light on a hither unto unknown part of me. If that makes sense?

I'm currently reading At His Throat, A Promise (Lilith Grey). It's...a master-slave BDSM novel. I...like master-slave BDSM novels. There. I've admitted it. I was chatting to the unnamed expert this week about why I like such books. I'm a control freak. I'm a control freak because it gives me some control in a life where I feel I have had none, where I have been at the whim of family members, whose reactions I can never hope to anticipate. In a master-slave novel the slave gives up control...hopefully to someone worthy of it. And that ability...is seductively enticing. What the unnamed expert's response was to my confession I unfortunately can not remember...but I will check :)

Anyway...in At His Throat, A Promise were a few sentences that oh so resonated:
'I recognize this,' he said. 'I've been there. You think pretending you're not a real person will make the pain go away? You think ignoring everything in equal measures, whether it hurts or feels good, will be the answer? They will break you.'
They resonated because this is what I did. Still do. Locked all my emotions away because they were my weakness. Because, like the character in the book, it was what I had to do to survive. It was my coping mechanism. The question is whether I can undo it...even part of it? The only way to know is to try and so that is what I am doing. And in the meantime I am grateful for books like At His Throat, A Promise because they teach me more about myself...and help me realize I'm not the only one who took this road. And (on a lighter note :) because I love reading master slave novels *grin*

So, what have you read lately that has resonated with you?

4 comments:

  1. I don't think I've read anything lately that resonated like this one is to you! So this sounds like it's shaping up to be a five-star read for you?

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  2. It was so a five-star read. I hope the author writes a sequel (I'm guessing if he/she did it would be an indirect sequel) as the world-building is fascinating!

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  3. You, a control freak? I never would have guessed. ;)

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