Confession

Found on: I Can Has Cheezburger

You may be wondering why the sudden flurry of posts... I have a confession. The OCD (or should that be CDO :) is riding me hard ATM. I think it might have something to do with this being a family week. For the past almost 2 months I have been...family free. I took a giant step back from family at the beginning of the year. (After 6 years I felt it was time for..me.) And I feel like it has made a difference. Especially because this week, back within the family fold so to speak, I am noticing how...uptight I am. It's little things. I have to check each and every car that comes up the street in case in might be a particular family member's. I saw said type of car this afternoon on my way home from work and had to make sure it wasn't said family member. It's like I'm stalking in reverse. So...the plan is to get through Friday...and then go back to Coventry. And that brings me back to the OCD...and the posts. Ten is a nice round number :) Things will hopefully go back to normal after Friday :)

So...how do you cope when things get too much?

Phase

I have a good book to read. A really good book. Shattered Glass by Dani Alexander (in case you were wondering). But am I reading it? No. Instead, I'm re-reading favourite scenes from a beloved dark fantasy series...from two books in said fantasy series if I'm honest. It's like my level of interest in new and interesting is...zilch! Why? No idea. (It may be because At His Throat, A Promise blew me away and hit with with the emotional equivalent of a TKO, but...IDK.) I'm hoping I'll snap out of this phase tomorrow...at least I hope I do.

Has anyone else experienced this...lack of interest and, if so, how did you snap out of it?

I...

...had good intentions of being online over the weekend and visiting everyone. Unfortunately, those good intentions were just that...intentions. So...by way of apology I give you...

COOKIES!

*fans self* I kind of went for the torso theme, but I was tempted by...another area *evil grin* So..would you like some more?

Insight

Found on: GoodReads

It never ceases to amaze me what I learn about myself from books. Or...more accurately...how certain books resonate in such a way that they help me to realize something about myself I never knew. It's like they shine a light on a hither unto unknown part of me. If that makes sense?

I'm currently reading At His Throat, A Promise (Lilith Grey). It's...a master-slave BDSM novel. I...like master-slave BDSM novels. There. I've admitted it. I was chatting to the unnamed expert this week about why I like such books. I'm a control freak. I'm a control freak because it gives me some control in a life where I feel I have had none, where I have been at the whim of family members, whose reactions I can never hope to anticipate. In a master-slave novel the slave gives up control...hopefully to someone worthy of it. And that ability...is seductively enticing. What the unnamed expert's response was to my confession I unfortunately can not remember...but I will check :)

Anyway...in At His Throat, A Promise were a few sentences that oh so resonated:

'I recognize this,' he said. 'I've been there. You think pretending you're not a real person will make the pain go away? You think ignoring everything in equal measures, whether it hurts or feels good, will be the answer? They will break you.'

They resonated because this is what I did. Still do. Locked all my emotions away because they were my weakness. Because, like the character in the book, it was what I had to do to survive. It was my coping mechanism. The question is whether I can undo it...even part of it? The only way to know is to try and so that is what I am doing. And in the meantime I am grateful for books like At His Throat, A Promise because they teach me more about myself...and help me realize I'm not the only one who took this road. And (on a lighter note :) because I love reading master slave novels *grin*

So, what have you read lately that has resonated with you?

Rambling

Caveat: This is one of those posts whose title says it all. It...rambles :)

One of my most favourite things (don't worry, I'm not going to inflict the Sound of Music on you [although it does have its place *grin*]) is lying in bed listening to rain on the roof. I just find it...soothing. Today is the one-year anniversary of the Christchurch Earthquake, in which 185 people lost their lives. The people of Christchurch are rebuilding...and their resilience, in a year filled with thousands of aftershocks, is...inspiring. So...I thought on a day of remembrance I would introduce you to one of my favourite New Zealand bands, Dragon, and one of their songs - Rain. This song has a lot of memories, most of which are tied up with university (college for those of you in North America :)



So, I'm curious, what old song holds poignant memories for you?

Changes

Earlier this month I added a book to the DNF list :( I don't like adding books to the DNF list, particularly a book that I have previously read (and enjoyed). So it got me to thinking - why did this book not work for me now when it has previously? TBH, this book is definitely a mood book. That is, you have to be in the right frame of mind to read it :) And I wasn't. But...I realized something else - I read differently now than I did 10, even 5 years ago. Way back when I think I read just the top layer, skimming everything. Not digging in and understanding, investing in the characters..and their emotions. Now? Now it's the opposite. I think that says more about me than anything else.

So, has how you read books changed over the years?

Yesterday...

...was St Valentine's Day. I'm not a fan...of the day I mean. St Valentine himself? Don't know the guy...although I'd love to know his thoughts on how the day of his death is commemorated in the modern age. Anyway, because I'm me, I thought I'd post one of my favourite songs, which is probably not the right song for St Valentine's Day, but... *shrug* I like it.



Thoughts on its St Valentine's Day appropriateness? *grin*

So...

...last month I celebrated my birthday. I use the word 'celebrated' loosely as...birthday and Christmas go hand-in-hand in my 'Oh, yes, you...where is the closet?' response. Anyway, this year I received a monetary gift from a certain family member. I was...pleasantly surprised. Now, usually upon receiving a monetary gift I put it towards something...boring. But since I'm attempting to turn over a new leaf this year, I bought myself something...I wouldn't normally purchase. Something...fun! A comic and a print! But not just any comic and print! See, last year the stupendous Kris from Kris 'n' Good Books introduced me to the amazing Starfighter comic by the very talented Hamlet Machine. This is the print I purchased:


Found on: Starfighter

Isn't it beautiful? HamletMachine is so talented! I also bought Chapter One of the comic, which is a science-fiction m/m comic. Yes, it is available online, but I wanted to support HamletMachine.

So, what have you recently bought yourself that was...not necessary but fun?

Edited to add: Apologies for being AWOL of late. I am finding it difficult to balance online and offline ATM. But...I'm working on it :)

Books 2012: January Update

Total: 10 books (10 books this month: fantasy [one book]; m/m [nine books])

The 2012 M/M Romance Challenge total: nine books (nine books this month)

A list of all the books I've read to date (from 01 January 2010) can be found at GoodReads.

Favourite books of the month? (There were a few)

* Double Blind (Heidi Cullinan)

* Life Lessons (Kaje Harper)

Currently reading:

* The Matchmaker (Megan Derr)

And the books I'm most looking forward to reading this month:

* Counterpunch (Aleksandr Voinov)

* Magic Gifts (Ilona Andrews)

So, what did you read last month?

Coupling

Yes, this post probably should be my reading list for the month of January. But for some reason GoodReads is hiding some of my 'read' books. Once I work out where they are I can total up the books read for January and voila! Post!

In the interim, I thought I would introduce you to one of my favourite TV comedy series. As I may have mentioned, I don't really have a sense of humour. I take everything far too seriously. And I don't find embarrassing situations amusing in any way, shape or form. For instance, I will never see Something About Mary. Just...no. But this show...IDK. It's hilarious because it's so simple. Introducing...Coupling! And BTW I'm referring to the UK (original) version. (I believe there is a US version, although I haven't see more than a short clip on YouTube.) And while I have many favourite scenes, the following is one that still makes me laugh. The first time I saw it, my friend thought I was going to choke I was laughing (with tears) so hard! The scene is this: Patrick is surprising Sally with an 'I love you' speech. And has roped in Jeff and Steve (the taller of the two, and who you may remember from Pirates of the Caribbean) to help set the mood...using the music that he and Sally originally kissed to. (It's a long, but amusing, story :)



So, what TV series or movie makes you laugh?

Edited to add: I'm also a huge fan of The Big Bang Theory!