16 January 2014

The Year That Was

I have been trying to write a post for...weeks...months if I'm honest. I do this thing where I continually second guess what I've written. I always want to change it, make it...better. Which means nothing is every...acceptable...for public consumption. Or private for that matter. So many things just never made it past the drawing board in my head as I'm so petrified of getting it...wrong. Of getting everything wrong. Perfectionism thy name is orannia. So, I'm trying a new tack this year - I'm going to take the advice of Flynn from what is probably my favourite keeper series - Falls Chance Ranch:
Just say it. It doesn't need to come out right first time, we'll straighten it out.
So, here goes. Last year was...hard. I felt...overwhelmed. By family. By everything. And even though I love being online, it was stressful. I like to visit blogs, I like people to know that I've read their posts so I feel like I should comment. On every post. And sometimes there just isn't enough hours in the day. And so I feel guilty. And then when things got very overwhelming being online felt like something I could...let go of for a bit until I'd got everything done that felt a pressing weight. Except days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and I hadn't posted or commented. Or anything.

I want 2014 to be a different year. A better year. If I do nothing else this year I am going to work on controlling my anxiety. With the assistance of the unnamed expert :) But more on that later. I don't want blogging and commenting to get shoved to the side like it did last year. But I don't want to get obsessive about blogging and commenting until it becomes overwhelming. So, all I will say is this - I promise to try and visit. And read your posts. And I promise to try and comment. Not on every post mind, but some :)

So, what do you want from 2014? (It can be something big or something small...something general or something specific.)

14 comments:

  1. First off: I hope you do what you feel comfortable doing and don't let yourself feel obligated to do more than that, and that by doing that you'll find the balance that makes you happy.

    What do I want from 2014? To get myself back. The last two years have been pretty horrible for me, emotionally, and I've turned into this always angry person who hates most aspects of her life. I am not truly that person--I do have issues (depression being the main one), but I had never before been so utterly angry at everything and everyone. And I don't want to stay like this, I want me back. So that's what I want, that's what I'm working on.




    Ykes, a little too heavy for a comment, huh?

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    1. Thank you azteclady :) The thing is, no one else makes me feel obligated...it's just that I feel that I should...if that makes sense. It's like I lug around buckets of guilt everywhere I go. And I need to let that go.

      I love what you want for 2014. And the amount of courage and strength that must take - *hugs* I do hope you find you. I'm not sure if I know who I am...maybe that can be for 2015 :)

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    2. And, not heavy. I asked :) *hugs* And I love that you feel comfortable enough here to share something so close to your heart. *hugs*

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  2. It seems like 2013 was pretty garbage for a lot of us. It really was just hard and isolating. For me I just felt run-down and run-over. It's easier to disengage; and being lazy doesn't help.

    One of the reasons I like the Like button so much is you can just let others know you were there without having to make an intelligent comment :) Also, since I don't always remember where I've commented, it at least lets me know I've been by pretty quickly, lol.

    Anyway, here's hoping 2014 we give ourselves a break and have fun.

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    1. It does, doesn't it. The run-down thing...I think when life is hard and you get what feels like one knock after another, especially if it is someone close doing the knocking, it just wears on you and you just stop looking after yourself. I suck at self-care. Here's hoping to a self-care 2014 with no running over.

      And the like button? That's not with blogger though (or am I missing something? :) If not, blogger totally needs a like button :)

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  3. You never have to feel like you have to comment on my blog. And I mean that. I would never want to add to anyone else's stress or anxiety. I think you may have already read what I want for 2014. Suicide attempt free.

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    1. Thank you Iv :) I don't (feel like I have to)... You never put any pressure on me. At. All. And I truly mean that. I think I need to try really hard in 2014 to not put pressure on me...I never do things halfway, but I think I need to :) And I hope with all of me that you get your wish for 2014 *hugs*

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  4. ((hug)) 2013 was a crap year. Hopefully this year will be better.

    I love your comments, but you don't have to feel pressure to comment on my blog, or any blog! I know exactly what you mean about the pressure to say something, and it can really burn you out. I stopped commenting on blogs, even my favorites, unless I had something to say. And I take a day off from visiting blogs every week, which helps me recharge.

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    1. Totally! And thank you - for your comment and your understanding. I think that pressure really did burn me out last year, but I need to let myself know that the pressure is coming from within and I need to turn it off. Say something if I have something to say, but otherwise... I like the day off idea, but I don't think I'll be visiting everyday...which is what happened last year and then I started freaking about how many posts I had to catch up on! I'm going to pace myself :)

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  5. ((Hugs)) Orannia!

    2013 was a craptastic year all around. That seems to be the general consensus too.

    Hon, I always love it when you come by and leave a comment, but, it has to be about what makes you happy and it has to be fun for YOU. Don't let it become a chore and never, ever feel like you "have to." And just so you feel better, the second half of the year my blogging slowed down to a crawl and I also basically stopped visiting my blogger friends because I didn't have the time, and sometimes the inclination. But, I still read their reviews and kept up with their posts as much as I was able. It happens and it's ok. ;P

    What do I want for myself this year? Sigh... to keep up the strength to juggle all the balls I have spinning on the air at any given time so that I can find those little moments that make me happy and content.

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    1. Thank you Hils! And, yes, 2013 doesn't seem to have been that good for anyone. And very good advice about it not being a chore. I think it slipped into that. And OMG I hear you on juggling all the balls! Although in 2014 I'm going to try and only juggle the balls at certain times... Here's hoping for a happy and content 2014 for you! *hugs*

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  6. I completely understand what you're talking about! I, too, had a crappy blogging year. My lowest in the six years I've had my blog.. and the first year I had ZERO posts in a whole month. I almost made it two months with no posts but I snuck one in at the last minute in December. Anyway, for me it started out just being really busy away from my computer that kept me from keeping up and then the guilt and procrastination set in .. and then the longer you stay away the harder it is to jump back in. But I LOVE this blogging community and don't want it to slip away so I'm making a conscious effort to sneak back in to the world, so to speak.

    What do I want for me in 2014? I think to be happier with myself. Oh I am a positive and upbeat person to begin with.. I really am. Just ask Mariana who sees all my inspirational happy joy love photos on instagram.. And I really truly believe in all the mushy gushy stuff I say but sometimes it's that "fake it till you make it" kind of vibes. I'm being my own cheerleader, you know? And it usually works.. but I have a lot of weak and doubtful moments when I feel I'm just never going to break past certain insecurities and issues. I'd like to conquer those a bit more. Most of them, I'm embarrassed to say, stem from body image = self worth issues. Which as a mom to two teenage girls I know is SO stupid, but it's like I still have some stupid teenage hangups about stuff that I KNOW is wrong, but I can't change my mindset. I haven't been a teenager in 26 years I NEED TO GET OVER THIS SHIT! Okay that's all for now.

    I hope everyone here achieves what they want in 2014. xxx

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  7. Is snuck a word? I think it should be sneaked.

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    1. If it isn't, it should be :) Love you ladies, you make me smile!

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